The Tragedy of a Dream Deferred
The Costs of Not Speaking Up at Work
Giving Up on the Dream
People never tell you when they give up on their dreams. But they do give up—all the time.
This leader was no exception. It barely registered with his investors, his employees, his customers. He wasn’t fully aware of it himself. Yet at some point, his brightest dreams had been snuffed out. His hopes had been displaced by fears. He spent his days worried about missing his goals, not excited to blow past them.
He’d dreamt of transforming the industry forever—now he worried about missing his growth goals this quarter. He’d dreamt of a distinct culture that reflected his values—now he’d settle for just one highly qualified candidate for his open role. He’d dreamt of a life-changing IPO or acquisition someday—now he stressed about making it through the end of the year.
But no, he’d never tell you he’d given up. He’d tell you “it’s fine.” He’d change the subject to pressing tactical matters and how to resolve them. Giving up on his dreams certainly hadn’t slowed the pace of his work! Fearing failure, he felt compelled to push himself to his limits—determined to prove the doubters wrong by any means necessary.
Who were these doubters? Someone he’d once thought of as a peer, casually mentioning their 10s of millions in funding and impressive new hires during lunch at a conference. An investor contact he’d been cultivating, pre-emptively passing on his latest idea before he could even deliver a proper pitch. A hiring manager at a hot AI company, asking him pointed questions clearly aimed at sorting A players from C players. A close coworker who was unfailingly polite in meetings, yet never supported his ideas when it really mattered.
They all seemed to whisper, “You don’t have what it takes to succeed.” And part of him believed it—otherwise he wouldn’t have been working so hard to prove them wrong. Was it really imposter syndrome, when he was hearing from that many reputable sources that he wasn’t good enough? When he was trying so hard and his dreams seemed more distant than ever? Why would he bet his career on such improbable outcomes?
His dreams started to feel too risky. What would people say? Transforming the industry would require big bets, and he didn’t relish convincing his whole team to get behind them. Cultivating a distinct culture would mean lots of awkward conversations: tricky fit interviews with candidates, difficult feedback in 1:1s, maybe even letting people go. Better to just get butts in seats as long as those butts were qualified, right? He was still hopeful for a meaningful exit for the company, but couldn’t imagine continuing at this pace long enough to see it happen.
So he put his dreams on the shelf. Just for now, he told himself, to get through this busy period. Part of him knew it would always be busy, but the rest was too exhausted to care. He was just trying to get through each day! Taking any further risk right now seemed absurd. Better to focus on some short term wins and save his dreams for another day.
What Happens to a Dream Deferred
In a way, giving up on his dreams was a welcome relief. Why burden himself with such impossibly high standards? No one else was doing that! They were just getting their work done and going home. There was something so relaxing about this new mode: doing what other people expected of him and not worrying so much about his own desires. Why defy expectations, when he could just meet them and go home?
So he started skipping the awkward conversations he dreaded. He took on more work himself so he wouldn’t have to ask for help from others. He focused on hitting those growth goals, not questioning how exactly that work supported the company’s mission. On hiring people for his open roles, not questioning whether they should have held out for better candidates. On working constantly towards inbox zero, not questioning whether it was the best use of his limited time and attention.
It was a nice break for a while, but that relaxed feeling didn’t last long. Without help from his team he felt more overworked than ever. And it was painful keeping his mouth shut as others made calls that to him just felt wrong. He was frustrated with his CEO, frustrated with his reports, frustrated with his peers—and frustrated with himself for not doing anything about it.
But what was the point of speaking up, anyway? Opening his mouth didn’t mean people would magically change! If anything, starting fights would just make it harder to get help when he needed it. Everyone else would keep doing what they always did either way. Why would he risk his relationships, his reputation, or his career on such folly? So he stayed silent—but at a cost.
Eventually his motivation at work began to evaporate. He felt stuck, unable to make the impact he desired but unwilling to say it out loud. He began fantasizing about quitting, but it was hard to envision what exactly would be different at the next company. Wherever he went, his dreams followed! And despite his fears, he couldn’t seem to give up on those dreams entirely.
The Genius in our Dreams
How did we get here? As an executive coach, I’ve heard this story of dreams deferred many times: from CEOs, founders, executives, and others. Giving up on our dreams is shockingly common, even among the most ambitious people! It’s what happens when we get scared for a moment and lose our appetite for risk, preferring the safety of meeting others’ expectations over the fulfillment of pursuing our dreams.
But it’s hard to admit when we get scared, even to ourselves. It’s already painful to face our own failures. Now imagine admitting to yourself it’s because you were overcome by fear! So I get why clients typically give more rational-sounding explanations at first.
Often the timing’s not right: it’s too busy, too early, too late. Market conditions have changed: supply, demand, or both. What the company needs or what they need has shifted irrevocably. Sometimes it’s even true! Either way, it always sounds so reasonable. It’s hard to argue with taking a conservative approach to risk.
Yet when we orient our life around avoiding risk instead of pursuing our dreams, we abandon something fundamental in ourselves: our unique genius and potential. The tragedy of a dream deferred isn’t just the pain of staying silent, it’s the lost opportunity for each of us to change the world for the better. The story above could describe any of dozens of leaders I’ve worked with. Where their stories diverge is where each individual’s unique genius shines through.
Some left companies where that genius wasn’t appreciated, and found new roles where their talents were exactly what was needed to create change. Others learned to build deep trust with leadership, freeing them to pursue their dreams within the company—expressing their genius using the full force of the organization. Still others found the courage to set boundaries and work through the consequences: firing problem executives who held them back, saying “no” to work outside their zone of genius, or just limiting their work hours to a sustainable pace. None of this could have happened if they’d stayed silent.
What change do you dream of? If you’re returning to a dream deferred, it may look different than you remember. Our dreams naturally evolve over time! Recognizing that your dreams evolve is quite different from giving up on them entirely. Abandoned dreams can haunt you, reminding you years later that you never embraced your true desires, never expressed your unique genius. But however they evolve, your dreams will always be there when you return.
Everyone’s fears are much the same—our dreams are how we express our unique genius. So don’t defer yours too long. Embracing your dreams again can restore your inspiration, reinvigorate your appetite for risk, and remind you of all the rich potential of sharing your genius with the world.